I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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