I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
