My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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