I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
