we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
