bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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