Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
