My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
