life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
