My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
