1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
