I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
