the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
youre lurking in front of me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
