Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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