You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
