did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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