i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
