I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
