I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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