how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
