So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize