when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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