She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You're like the curious george of whores
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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