I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
