Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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