i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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