Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
