i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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