Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I bet he comes in French.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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