When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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