Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
