You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
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I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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