It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
