So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
