You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
