he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
