I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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