So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
