do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
