No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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