It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
