how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
