I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
