I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
