if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
