Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm going to jail i love you
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
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i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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