Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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