using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
