You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
