moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
