that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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