Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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