I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
