I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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