my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
