i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
