I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
