no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
