I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
