my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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