No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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