party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
