His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
