I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
