We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
