He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
