Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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