I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
