if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
